Joke & Fun Thread!

I hope the female readers don't feel offended, but this is one of my favourite jokes:

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp.
He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp.
This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes,
so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to
Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to
Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom
of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!!
No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times.
My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and
what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment.
Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,
know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four ?

Ok u guys ...
u asked for it
and i do like this thread alot

Woman's Prayer:

Lord, before I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a man, who's not a creep;
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy is thick and long.

One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.

And as I kneel and pray to my bed,
I look at the creep you sent me instead. Amen
___________________________________________

Man's Prayer:

Lord, I pray for a nympho with huge boobs who owns a beer store.

Hope this one aint too naughty
I really enjoyed both of urs for sure!

Hi Linda,
I must admit that your joke is quite as good as mine.

Greetings

Roland

Hallo Foreigner,
ebenfalls Grüsse aus der Nachbarstadt.

Roland

P.S.: Zu Ahlen fällt mir ein, dass ich unbedingt mal wieder im Lehmofen vorbeischauen muss.

Oki doks....just 1 more before i hit the bed

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,
Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man
and your motorcycles have changed the world,
your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,
"I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay,
so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."

God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something
that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution
and can't run without a road! ?"


Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke.
"Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, " Ah, yes?"

"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional,
you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds,

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!"

"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,"
replied God., "Hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer,
typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"
God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers,
more men are riding my invention than yours."

Thanks for starting this Thread Stez....i had to laugh so much, listening to ur link ..and urs as well Roland

Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women :

Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2000 miles.

Motorcycles' curves never sag.

Motorcycles last longer.

Motorcycles don't get pregnant.

You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month.

Motorcycles don't have parents.

Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.

You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.

If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.

You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is really worn.

If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.

Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.

When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.

Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.

New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.

If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.

If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.

If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.

If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.

You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.

You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.

You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.

If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.

You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.

Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.

Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.

Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.

Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.

Motorcycles don't care if you are late.

You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.

It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.

If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.

I enjoy this thread too, here's another one:

You know you're living in 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone
in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have
the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18 . Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Roland

Heres my fav Lady

http://www.smithappens.com/video_fruitcakelady3.php

And here's another one. I hope the link works all right.

Can't Fool A German

Have Fun

Roland

oh my god!!!!!!!
................u guys are killing meeeeeeee

Give it some time to load... and press play....this is so funny

http://www.illwillpress.com/tech.html

[Blockierte Grafik: http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/4297/3ducks1xm.gif]

Three ducks walk into a bar.

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles.

[Blockierte Grafik: http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/5876/53k1lt.gif]

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